These things we fear…
These things we fear... These things we try to avoid. Like death or plague or change (itself a little death.) We try to run from them and fail to realize they're ours. They're here. They're us.
(The tragic chorus goes:)
We die a thousand deaths and die again tonight.
And so, we fear, we stall. We avoid a little death.
We never realize, that fear? It's less than real.
And here the secret lies: unless we die and die, and die and die and die?
We'll never grow beyond. We cannot be reborn.
(The eternal chorus goes:)
We die a thousand deaths and die again tonight.
So answer from the stage, cause this life is **your** play:
"Oh yeah, sure, I might die. If I jump from the cliff, I'll be like Wile E. C.
... But then again, who knows? That death might not be real.
For one thing I do know:
I know, tomorrow morn, I'll rise.
And jump again."
We die a thousand deaths so we can live anew.
The what and the why
This piece is a reminder.
A reminder that even though one single story might make sense, it's never the whole thing. So, even if "These things we chase…" is rational and reasonable and good, it's not complete.
For as much as we're driven by the things we want, the things that beckon, we're also driven by the things we avoid, the things that scare. We're in this constant tug of war between two poles, two different abysses.
And it's not that one is bad and the other is good. It's never that simple. We need both, though we sometimes fail to accept it. When we try to frame each side as just one thing, one meaning, it cripples us. It makes us half.
So this piece is an attempt, not to build an opposite to "These things we chase…", but to try and remind; to try and remember. Fear is not bad. Change is not bad. Death is not bad, and it's not the end.
Because death comes to us every time we make a choice that kills a future self. Every time we pick a path and choose a different outcome. Every time we close our eyes and open them to a new life. Every night and every morning.
We shed pasts as the snake of our lives sheds skins. We are reborn into a different future, pure and glistening and full of hope. We cannot take past us along as we travel. We only have ourselves as we are right now.
We just have to remember that nothing is eternal—not really—and especially ourselves. We are just an infinite string of different" us." Across the infinity of time, we're coming into the light and going into the dark to be born again. It's all an endless, beautiful cycle.
We just have to jump and let go. And then catch ourselves again come morning.
The how
This one was a bit easier since I had already built a language around the ideas that "These things we chase…" got into. I knew I had the Tiger, and I knew I needed a bird. I knew I needed a man-made thing to make sense of the pain and the fear and the price (Spoiler: the price is death. Big and especially small.) And, of course, I knew I needed to have the Red Thread in there, always guiding and reminding us that things are connected and tied, guided and constricted. Free and never lost.
But this piece also needed a clear and stark difference and contrast when compared to the previous one. So I knew the Ibis could not be part of this, and the bird I needed to choose could not be made of light— not entirely. I also knew other things, but those are for later. For other pieces and other texts and other stories. But I knew to put clues and precursors, splinters and bits for the future.
Noodling and sketching
So, with all that in tow, I set out to build an image that made sense, looked pretty, told the story, and was consistent but contrasting with "These things we chase…"
Since I could not use the Ibis as the guiding bird, I chose a vulture. It's a great shortcut for death and transformation, and I have painted vultures before (Insert links here). I quite like them. And since, in many senses, it needed to be the opposite of the Ibis in "These things we chase… ", it was to be made of darkness and not light. That part was easy. Now it was a matter of sketching a composition that worked. It came out like this:
The shapes are there, but the Tiger is not dramatic enough…😁. Tap/Click/Poke to enlarge.
The basic idea was there. I knew the Tiger needed to be demure, almost ashamed of the fear and the avoidance. Painfully aware of the fact that, even while trying to avoid it, the vortex-vulture was there, and trying to escape was futile.
And to finish the idea, to sell us the story, I needed the Man-made Thing. A knife. Hanging over the Tiger's head, ready to end it all.
But the angle of the head was not right, so I needed to noodle a bit more with it until it was good enough.
Now, that’s a tiger who feels the weight of the Knife!😁. Tap/Click/Poke to see it bigger.
And then, of course, the Red Thread. Making its way, tying it all, binding the meaning of all the pieces in the image.
Pieces in place, lines clean-ish, heads in their right places, LFG! Tap the image to enlarge it.
Side note: for this particular piece, there was no mental interlude. The five artistic neurons mostly agreed about what to do, how to choose, and what to paint. Yeah, all five. Even Larry. It was a great day for all.
Now, with that interlude over, a short detour about reference. I had found a lot of tiger images for "These things we chase..." but I quickly learned it's remarkably hard to find decent photos of tigers that are not regal or just plain scary. At the very best, silly. But contrite, doubtful tigers? Tigers vacillating before the pit of their fears? Nop. Not a lot of those. I wonder why… At any rate, I found some decent starting points. And the rest, I invented. Artistic license, and all that.
Colour!
Now, let's talk colour. Since this is a piece designed to live along with "These things we chase…", the colour palette was pretty much decided. I just shifted the focus from the light, saturated greens and yellows into the more muted, sober, and dark purples. You know, for thematic resonance and chromatic mood. Did that sound like I know what I'm doing, or what? Sometimes I truly impress myself. 😑
After a couple of false starts, here's where I landed on with my colour choices:
Yeah,colour! Tap/Click/Poke to make it grow.
As a side note, I started working on my colour scheme _before_ changing the Tiger's head position. This is just a tidbit of information to highlight the fluid nature of the creative process. It has nothing to do with my lack of strategic planning while doing these. No sir.
Here are a couple of videos showing the whole sketching process, from blank canvas to colour sketch:
First the sketch. It looks better in fullscreen mode.
And, of course, the colour sketching process. It was almost purple!
With the general composition and the colour palette decided, planning and procrastinating time came to an end. It was time to get my hands dirty and my patience ready, and go in for the kill. It was time to work on…
The rest
As always, the rest of the process was just a matter of patiently putting seven million tiny scribbles in there. One after the other. There are no shortcuts, not really. Just tiny, tiny lines, adding up to something ominous but somewhat hopeful and maybe pretty?
I think the message I intended to share is there. And I think this piece plays really well with “These things we chase…” They look awesome side by side.
And if you want to take a look at some detail shots, you’re in luck, cause here they are:
And look at the whole thing, and then feast your eyes on it, framed and living on a virtual wall:
Pretty, huh?
Prettier, I know… And the Tiger does, too.
Also, in case you're into that kind of thing, here's the whole thing, warts and all:
I hope you enjoyed this. I hope you learned something about the piece, me, or maybe about yourself while reading it. If anything, I tried to make it fun. And hey, there's always the piece itself.
If you like it, and if you liked the story behind it, there are a couple things you can do to support me and help me keep drawing animal avatars for our inner dreams and terrors:
You can get a print (or seven.😉)
If you're not yet part of the gang, you can join my mailing list. I always show my work first in my emails. And at gang-only prices, too.
You can buy me the proverbial cup of coffee. That way, being unable to feed my cats will be one less thing to fear. 😁
Above all, thank you for reading my rants and trying to make sense of them. It means a lot having you here. And as always, let me know how I'm doing. Shoot me an email or a DM, follow me on social media, or just think really hard in my general direction. All of it helps, and who knows? Maybe I'll discover I'm a telepath!
See you next time!
-Julián
